i hold this to the same level as paddington 2 because they’re both films that mean a lot to me from ages ago. i remember first watching the film new year’s eve in 2021 maybe. i read the book (starting) november of 2020 and it took me 11 months to finish. it was the first book i read by myself and actual wanted to continue reading. for some reason it’s become a tradition to watch it every new year’s eve. the only time we skipped it was last year when i wasn’t in the house. last years new year’s eve is the only new years i properly remember. the first song of 2024 i listened to was the ending theme to Cinema Paradiso. 2024 sucked. ughhh i'm glad to see it go. or at least i would be. 2025 is going to be even worse. i can feel it. i turn 17. i have a review for that prepared, stay tuned. i hope 2025 is great for everyone around me. it’s a nice looking number so i have high hopes for you. and the Minecraft movie!!! my new year’s resolution is to be less of myself so i can be more of myself. i can’t explain it but i will delete this person so i can be someone i want to be. i might change my name (again, i know ughhh). i was thinking Robyn. so far, the last song i listened to of this year is Sorted for E’s and Wizz by Pulp. recently i find myself connecting to lyrics a lot more. in that song i think about how the narrator doesn’t like being at this party. but that’s all i wanted. i wanted to be normal and ‘cool’ and drink and do normal, cool people things. instead i’m at home watching Swallows and Amazons. Stars, Live 1976 by Nina Simone is my new favourite song of all time. the lyrics, it’s like they were written for me. the Janis Ian version is also very good, but Nina Simone just takes it to another level.
Some make it when they're young,Before the world had done its dirty jobAnd later on someone will say”You’ve had your day, now you must make way”But they’ll never know the pain of living with a name you never ownedOr the many years forgetting what you know too well
i always say i never want to be famous. but deep down i know i want to be. i want people to look up to me. i want to “make it when i'm young”. i want to find a name i can call my own. i want to live as myself for once. i thought i had finally done it with the name evry but everything is just so wrong. i’ve grown to hate it. and for the first time in ages i had to sign off a message with my deadname. i had to stop and stare at it before i could send it. i thought about who i was to everyone. i’m different to everyone. i have four different names i'm called at the moment because i only ever come out to specific people, five if i follow through with this Robyn thing. it’s all too much. i’d like to exist as a concept instead. see me only as what you think of me as. i’d like to be a jellyfish. no brain, no eyes, no mouth, but somehow still alive. i asked my biology teacher and he said jellyfish are only aware of their existence when they feel pain through death. in a way we are the same. we seem to only appreciate life towards the end. i try to follow the philosophy of Albert Camus and absurdism, but it’s hard. it is so hard to find joy in the most meaningless of tasks. i don’t have a job and i've been out of college for almost 3 weeks because of surgery, so for me the tasks are just waking up and trying to make it to the end of the day. i had a dream last night, my last dream of 2024. i always have these extremely vivid dreams that i can remember so well. last night i was with some friends and suddenly i’d had enough. so i ran. and i ran and i ran and i ran for ages and ages. until i ended up in and Ikea where someone i dont like but still have to talk to a lot worked there. and he sat next to me as i listened to Beach Life-in-Death by Car Seat Headrest. i looked out over the ocean as the sky went dark. no sunset.
I AM ALMOST COMPLETELY SOULLESS I AM INCAPABLE OF BEING HUMANI AM INCAPABLE OF BEING INHUMANI AM LIVING, UNCONTROLLABLY
i could hear the song in my dream. i have no soul. i can’t be human, but i also can’t be not human. i’m sure i missed the actual meaning there but that’s how it makes me feel.
my hopes are low for 2025, but hopefully that means i could be pleasantly surprised. happy new year to all of you!!! have a great new year and make sure you spend it being YOU. i’m going to try my hardest to be me, whoever that might be
i hold this to the same level as paddington 2 because they’re both films that mean a lot to me from ages ago. i remember first watching the film new year’s eve in 2021 maybe. i read the book (starting) november of 2020 and it took me 11 months to finish. it was the first book i read by myself and actual wanted to continue reading. for some reason it’s become a tradition to watch it every new year’s eve. the only time we skipped it was last year when i wasn’t in the house. last years new year’s eve is the only new years i properly remember. the first song of 2024 i listened to was the ending theme to Cinema Paradiso. 2024 sucked. ughhh i'm glad to see it go. or at least i would be. 2025 is going to be even worse. i can feel it. i turn 17. i have a review for that prepared, stay tuned. i hope 2025 is great for everyone around me. it’s a nice looking number so i have high hopes for you. and the Minecraft movie!!! my new year’s resolution is to be less of myself so i can be more of myself. i can’t explain it but i will delete this person so i can be someone i want to be. i might change my name (again, i know ughhh). i was thinking Robyn. so far, the last song i listened to of this year is Sorted for E’s and Wizz by Pulp. recently i find myself connecting to lyrics a lot more. in that song i think about how the narrator doesn’t like being at this party. but that’s all i wanted. i wanted to be normal and ‘cool’ and drink and do normal, cool people things. instead i’m at home watching Swallows and Amazons. Stars, Live 1976 by Nina Simone is my new favourite song of all time. the lyrics, it’s like they were written for me. the Janis Ian version is also very good, but Nina Simone just takes it to another level.
Some make it when they're young,Before the world had done its dirty jobAnd later on someone will say”You’ve had your day, now you must make way”But they’ll never know the pain of living with a name you never ownedOr the many years forgetting what you know too well
i always say i never want to be famous. but deep down i know i want to be. i want people to look up to me. i want to “make it when i'm young”. i want to find a name i can call my own. i want to live as myself for once. i thought i had finally done it with the name evry but everything is just so wrong. i’ve grown to hate it. and for the first time in ages i had to sign off a message with my deadname. i had to stop and stare at it before i could send it. i thought about who i was to everyone. i’m different to everyone. i have four different names i'm called at the moment because i only ever come out to specific people, five if i follow through with this Robyn thing. it’s all too much. i’d like to exist as a concept instead. see me only as what you think of me as. i’d like to be a jellyfish. no brain, no eyes, no mouth, but somehow still alive. i asked my biology teacher and he said jellyfish are only aware of their existence when they feel pain through death. in a way we are the same. we seem to only appreciate life towards the end. i try to follow the philosophy of Albert Camus and absurdism, but it’s hard. it is so hard to find joy in the most meaningless of tasks. i don’t have a job and i've been out of college for almost 3 weeks because of surgery, so for me the tasks are just waking up and trying to make it to the end of the day. i had a dream last night, my last dream of 2024. i always have these extremely vivid dreams that i can remember so well. last night i was with some friends and suddenly i’d had enough. so i ran. and i ran and i ran and i ran for ages and ages. until i ended up in and Ikea where someone i dont like but still have to talk to a lot worked there. and he sat next to me as i listened to Beach Life-in-Death by Car Seat Headrest. i looked out over the ocean as the sky went dark. no sunset.
I AM ALMOST COMPLETELY SOULLESS I AM INCAPABLE OF BEING HUMANI AM INCAPABLE OF BEING INHUMANI AM LIVING, UNCONTROLLABLY
i could hear the song in my dream. i have no soul. i can’t be human, but i also can’t be not human. i’m sure i missed the actual meaning there but that’s how it makes me feel.
my hopes are low for 2025, but hopefully that means i could be pleasantly surprised. happy new year to all of you!!! have a great new year and make sure you spend it being YOU. i’m going to try my hardest to be me, whoever that might be
