comfort rewatch↻
i feel like i've spent the past year pretending at being a human being. but over these last few months that pretense has been wearing me thin. i go out and it's like i'm not even there. i'm anywhere else. i wish i was somewhere else, someone else. a usual feeling for me. deep melancholia. my closest friend. i was a solitary child. i have always been a solitary woman.
"but you are a great sinner, that's true," he added almost solemnly, and your worst sin is that you have destroyed and betrayed yourself for nothing." (dostoevsky)
things are falling into place in my life right now and i have this tendency, when things are going good – too good – to wait for the other shoe to drop. to hyperfixate on something and make a home in my own misery. i 🩷 my own misery.
i guess i thought, after everything, i'd be happier. i guess i hoped, after everything, i'd be happier. after everything. but happiness has always been a foreign concept to me. and lately contentment escapes me too.
i'm restless. it's embarassing. i forgot who i am. no man gets everything. i'm getting greedy.
whatever. i have work tomorrow. 12am. today.
comfort rewatch↻
i feel like i've spent the past year pretending at being a human being. but over these last few months that pretense has been wearing me thin. i go out and it's like i'm not even there. i'm anywhere else. i wish i was somewhere else, someone else. a usual feeling for me. deep melancholia. my closest friend. i was a solitary child. i have always been a solitary woman.
"but you are a great sinner, that's true," he added almost solemnly, and your worst sin is that you have destroyed and betrayed yourself for nothing." (dostoevsky)
things are falling into place in my life right now and i have this tendency, when things are going good – too good – to wait for the other shoe to drop. to hyperfixate on something and make a home in my own misery. i 🩷 my own misery.
i guess i thought, after everything, i'd be happier. i guess i hoped, after everything, i'd be happier. after everything. but happiness has always been a foreign concept to me. and lately contentment escapes me too.
i'm restless. it's embarassing. i forgot who i am. no man gets everything. i'm getting greedy.
whatever. i have work tomorrow. 12am. today.