This is one of my new litmus test movies; if you genuinely think this is anything other than a bad movie, get the fuck out, we can not be friends, you fucking monster. The book was terrible, but mainly because it was too short to do anything consequential, underwritten in every way, and had awful dialog. I figured a two hour movie could really flesh out the characters (which are barely even characters in the book) and build the plot into an actual story. That's not what they did here. In fact, this barely qualifies as an adaptation of the book; beyond the names and the stripped down framework of the story, they change fucking everything. The race swap wasn't a big deal (it only really comes up so that people can constantly talk about Meg's hair) and eliminating Meg's two other siblings makes no difference because they did fuck all in the book. What does matter is making CW adopted, because that implies that someone fucking chose that piece of shit. To be clear, every single character in the movie is some combination of annoying, stupid, and/or saccharine and every single performance is absolutely terrible (the acting is offensively bad), but Charles fucking Wallace is the absolute worst. It doesn't help that the actor should have received a wall full of Razzies for that portrayal, but the script is so stilted and clunky that it was painful to watch. I really don't think this is a movie where you are supposed to care about the actual plot; it only exists to spout empty platitudes about believing in yourself and self-worth. The story is pure nonsense (and any time they try to do some science talk, it feels like a Loony Tunes segment) and all the visuals look like glitter covered shit. Absolute garbage. It's got some unintentional humor potential (every time Oprah jump scares the audience looking like a third rate drag queen), but it absolutely fails on every other level. It's kind of hilarious that this is the movie Brie Larson fell on her sword for. I don't think your race or gender effects your ability to peg a shitty movie. If this movie was a train, the book is the platform where we start our journey, but as soon as we leave the station, the train takes a hard right, jumps the tracks, and shoots straight toward a canyon, where is morphs into one of those motivational posters from your elementary school councilor's office. Somebody send a wellness check on fans of the book.
This is one of my new litmus test movies; if you genuinely think this is anything other than a bad movie, get the fuck out, we can not be friends, you fucking monster. The book was terrible, but mainly because it was too short to do anything consequential, underwritten in every way, and had awful dialog. I figured a two hour movie could really flesh out the characters (which are barely even characters in the book) and build the plot into an actual story. That's not what they did here. In fact, this barely qualifies as an adaptation of the book; beyond the names and the stripped down framework of the story, they change fucking everything. The race swap wasn't a big deal (it only really comes up so that people can constantly talk about Meg's hair) and eliminating Meg's two other siblings makes no difference because they did fuck all in the book. What does matter is making CW adopted, because that implies that someone fucking chose that piece of shit. To be clear, every single character in the movie is some combination of annoying, stupid, and/or saccharine and every single performance is absolutely terrible (the acting is offensively bad), but Charles fucking Wallace is the absolute worst. It doesn't help that the actor should have received a wall full of Razzies for that portrayal, but the script is so stilted and clunky that it was painful to watch. I really don't think this is a movie where you are supposed to care about the actual plot; it only exists to spout empty platitudes about believing in yourself and self-worth. The story is pure nonsense (and any time they try to do some science talk, it feels like a Loony Tunes segment) and all the visuals look like glitter covered shit. Absolute garbage. It's got some unintentional humor potential (every time Oprah jump scares the audience looking like a third rate drag queen), but it absolutely fails on every other level. It's kind of hilarious that this is the movie Brie Larson fell on her sword for. I don't think your race or gender effects your ability to peg a shitty movie. If this movie was a train, the book is the platform where we start our journey, but as soon as we leave the station, the train takes a hard right, jumps the tracks, and shoots straight toward a canyon, where is morphs into one of those motivational posters from your elementary school councilor's office. Somebody send a wellness check on fans of the book.
