“sometimes i wonder, ‘what if i killed myself?’ and then left a note saying, i did it because of my brother. but then if i die, i won’t get to see him be all guilty and sad. so maybe, i could be a ghost for a day after i die, so i can watch him cry, and see my dad yell at him. and then i’ll watch everything from the ceiling, you know? mom and dad all crying… just thinking about it is so cathartic.”
“but do you think they’d actually feel sorry?”
“among all the people you know, how many really understand what’s going on inside you?”
“do you ever have moments when you hate yourself?”
“yes. often. very often.”
“even though you go to such a good college?”
“it takes some time to learn to like yourself. when i don’t like myself, i just try to look within. just the way it is. so, this is how i feel. i guess i can’t love myself right now… like that. when you’re tired and sad, try to look at your fingers. then one by one, move them around. it’ll feel very mysterious. you feel like you can’t do anything, but you can move your fingers.”
“she lived because she was late.”
“when will my life start to shine?”
“what’s the right way to live? some days i feel like i know, but i really don’t know for sure. i just know that when bad things happen, good things happen too. and we always meet someone and share something with them. the world is fascinating and beautiful.”
when you reach that point where you start having existential crises, it all becomes a loop you don’t really get out of, you just learn to live with it
“sometimes i wonder, ‘what if i killed myself?’ and then left a note saying, i did it because of my brother. but then if i die, i won’t get to see him be all guilty and sad. so maybe, i could be a ghost for a day after i die, so i can watch him cry, and see my dad yell at him. and then i’ll watch everything from the ceiling, you know? mom and dad all crying… just thinking about it is so cathartic.”
“but do you think they’d actually feel sorry?”
“among all the people you know, how many really understand what’s going on inside you?”
“do you ever have moments when you hate yourself?”
“yes. often. very often.”
“even though you go to such a good college?”
“it takes some time to learn to like yourself. when i don’t like myself, i just try to look within. just the way it is. so, this is how i feel. i guess i can’t love myself right now… like that. when you’re tired and sad, try to look at your fingers. then one by one, move them around. it’ll feel very mysterious. you feel like you can’t do anything, but you can move your fingers.”
“she lived because she was late.”
“when will my life start to shine?”
“what’s the right way to live? some days i feel like i know, but i really don’t know for sure. i just know that when bad things happen, good things happen too. and we always meet someone and share something with them. the world is fascinating and beautiful.”
when you reach that point where you start having existential crises, it all becomes a loop you don’t really get out of, you just learn to live with it
