Clown Motel: Spirits Arise

DO.
NOT.
WATCH.
THIS.

DO.
NOT.
WATCH.
THIS.

A movie that makes zero sense, has piss poor acting, awful effects, and possibly the worst soundtrack I've ever heard. From the very beginning, things just don't add up. We open on the titular Clown Motel, but it's not a motel, it's some kind of clown commune where the clowns who have been exiled from society can live in peace, but a group of hillbillies are after their gold, which they plan to steal by burning down the motel. Okay, lots of problems there already, but all the clowns just look out the window of their motel room as the fire engulfs the building and when we jump to however many years later, it looks exactly the same and all the clowns that died are ghosts? Are they ghosts? They seem to be just normal psychopathic clowns, but the movie heavily implies that they are ghosts, but can you kick a ghost in the testicles? Do bullets kill ghosts? The clowns clearly have some sort of paranormal powers, but they seem incredibly human. I don't think the movie knows what it's doing, so it's hard to riddle this stuff out. Our leads are three male ghost hunters, who the women continually say are "hot". I'm not trying to make fun of their appearance, but no one outside of this movie is going to agree with them. The other half of the main cast are four women who are heading to Vegas for a bachelorette party, all of which are just garbage actresses (not to imply that the men are good actors, the women are just noticeably worse). I don't know if there were auditions or if they just hired whoever showed up. I'm not even sure this qualifies as a horror movie to me as mostly it seems to be going for shocking and not scary, but a "What the fuck?" and not a "What the fuck!". Unless you are really afraid of clowns, most of your reactions are going to be "Huh?" and 'Why?". I half expected this to be a poorly disguised add for the real Clown Motel that it's filmed at, but I think it would have the opposite of the intended effect as every room looks gross, even though it's not presented as an abandoned motel, just one that no one else is at (All the electricity and water work. Even the big sign and vacancy sign work). From start to finish (there is a post-credits scene), the plot is just nonsensical and constantly contradicting itself and giving the worst actors of the crew spotlight segments to embarrass themselves. There is a child actor who is easily the worst part of the whole movie and they give her a terribly written song that perfectly encapsulates how awful this movie is. There is exactly one funny scene and zero other things worth the time it takes to watch them.

A movie that makes zero sense, has piss poor acting, awful effects, and possibly the worst soundtrack I've ever heard. From the very beginning, things just don't add up. We open on the titular Clown Motel, but it's not a motel, it's some kind of clown commune where the clowns who have been exiled from society can live in peace, but a group of hillbillies are after their gold, which they plan to steal by burning down the motel. Okay, lots of problems there already, but all the clowns just look out the window of their motel room as the fire engulfs the building and when we jump to however many years later, it looks exactly the same and all the clowns that died are ghosts? Are they ghosts? They seem to be just normal psychopathic clowns, but the movie heavily implies that they are ghosts, but can you kick a ghost in the testicles? Do bullets kill ghosts? The clowns clearly have some sort of paranormal powers, but they seem incredibly human. I don't think the movie knows what it's doing, so it's hard to riddle this stuff out. Our leads are three male ghost hunters, who the women continually say are "hot". I'm not trying to make fun of their appearance, but no one outside of this movie is going to agree with them. The other half of the main cast are four women who are heading to Vegas for a bachelorette party, all of which are just garbage actresses (not to imply that the men are good actors, the women are just noticeably worse). I don't know if there were auditions or if they just hired whoever showed up. I'm not even sure this qualifies as a horror movie to me as mostly it seems to be going for shocking and not scary, but a "What the fuck?" and not a "What the fuck!". Unless you are really afraid of clowns, most of your reactions are going to be "Huh?" and 'Why?". I half expected this to be a poorly disguised add for the real Clown Motel that it's filmed at, but I think it would have the opposite of the intended effect as every room looks gross, even though it's not presented as an abandoned motel, just one that no one else is at (All the electricity and water work. Even the big sign and vacancy sign work). From start to finish (there is a post-credits scene), the plot is just nonsensical and constantly contradicting itself and giving the worst actors of the crew spotlight segments to embarrass themselves. There is a child actor who is easily the worst part of the whole movie and they give her a terribly written song that perfectly encapsulates how awful this movie is. There is exactly one funny scene and zero other things worth the time it takes to watch them.