Spooktober #5
The Children is kind of like if Married… With Children let Al stop joking and finally do a family annihilation to a laugh track. And you have to appreciate the killer kid movie that wears the self-centred theme on its sleeve this genre devolved into being about: all parents secretly hate and are terrified by the children who systematically and gleefully suck the life out of them. The traditional, thoughtlessly assumed roles of parenthood are the endemic traps from which there is not only no escape, but the simple acknowledgement of your desire to escape it is the horror at the centre of you. A corollary to Who Can Kill a Child, which examines the exact same situation but from the other side: children are the victims of hatred and violence from adults, so it only makes sense for them to revolt. Here the fears come from fantasy realization, but the scares are more rooted in who we are asked to identify with. Martin Shakar is all too ready to turn the rifle on his sickly grinning daughter with eternally outstretched palms, and his stupid wife is ruining everything by saying she wouldn’t want to live without her kids. Unsettling, but for the exact wrong reasons!

Spooktober #5
The Children is kind of like if Married… With Children let Al stop joking and finally do a family annihilation to a laugh track. And you have to appreciate the killer kid movie that wears the self-centred theme on its sleeve this genre devolved into being about: all parents secretly hate and are terrified by the children who systematically and gleefully suck the life out of them. The traditional, thoughtlessly assumed roles of parenthood are the endemic traps from which there is not only no escape, but the simple acknowledgement of your desire to escape it is the horror at the centre of you. A corollary to Who Can Kill a Child, which examines the exact same situation but from the other side: children are the victims of hatred and violence from adults, so it only makes sense for them to revolt. Here the fears come from fantasy realization, but the scares are more rooted in who we are asked to identify with. Martin Shakar is all too ready to turn the rifle on his sickly grinning daughter with eternally outstretched palms, and his stupid wife is ruining everything by saying she wouldn’t want to live without her kids. Unsettling, but for the exact wrong reasons!

Spooktober #5
The Children is kind of like if Married… With Children let Al stop joking and finally do a family annihilation to a laugh track. And you have to appreciate the killer kid movie that wears the self-centred theme on its sleeve this genre devolved into being about: all parents secretly hate and are terrified by the children who systematically and gleefully suck the life out of them. The traditional, thoughtlessly assumed roles of parenthood are the endemic traps from which there is not only no escape, but the simple acknowledgement of your desire to escape it is the horror at the centre of you. A corollary to Who Can Kill a Child, which examines the exact same situation but from the other side: children are the victims of hatred and violence from adults, so it only makes sense for them to revolt. Here the fears come from fantasy realization, but the scares are more rooted in who we are asked to identify with. Martin Shakar is all too ready to turn the rifle on his sickly grinning daughter with eternally outstretched palms, and his stupid wife is ruining everything by saying she wouldn’t want to live without her kids. Unsettling, but for the exact wrong reasons!

Spooktober #5
The Children is kind of like if Married… With Children let Al stop joking and finally do a family annihilation to a laugh track. And you have to appreciate the killer kid movie that wears the self-centred theme on its sleeve this genre devolved into being about: all parents secretly hate and are terrified by the children who systematically and gleefully suck the life out of them. The traditional, thoughtlessly assumed roles of parenthood are the endemic traps from which there is not only no escape, but the simple acknowledgement of your desire to escape it is the horror at the centre of you. A corollary to Who Can Kill a Child, which examines the exact same situation but from the other side: children are the victims of hatred and violence from adults, so it only makes sense for them to revolt. Here the fears come from fantasy realization, but the scares are more rooted in who we are asked to identify with. Martin Shakar is all too ready to turn the rifle on his sickly grinning daughter with eternally outstretched palms, and his stupid wife is ruining everything by saying she wouldn’t want to live without her kids. Unsettling, but for the exact wrong reasons!

Now see children are already fucking terrifying little human beings on their own but now have them being exposed to some nuclear waste which then ends up having these children develop some type of ability where all they have to do is pull you in for a hug and you then proceed to be set on fire by just them touching you that alone would have made me off myself because that is such nightmare fuel…

Now see children are already fucking terrifying little human beings on their own but now have them being exposed to some nuclear waste which then ends up having these children develop some type of ability where all they have to do is pull you in for a hug and you then proceed to be set on fire by just them touching you that alone would have made me off myself because that is such nightmare fuel…

Silly, overwrought, and a little sluggish but it's got charm and a perverse glee that's undeniable. You can call it stupid but it's inventive and committed. Surprisingly engaging performances for a movie about nuclear hug kids.

Silly, overwrought, and a little sluggish but it's got charm and a perverse glee that's undeniable. You can call it stupid but it's inventive and committed. Surprisingly engaging performances for a movie about nuclear hug kids.