*(i'll just say the technical things that i loved in my facebook dump account, and say something personal here cuz... DAMN)
*
a road opens as you tread along it. a road that doesn’t open is not a road. roads are opened to everyone. but not everyone can have it. another road have opened and i am not alone.
i watched this during the first months when the pandemic was "over" and schools are opening up. then i paused, and forgot about continuing it. 3 years later, i FINALLY rewatched everything and finished this series. it has also been about 6 years since i sincerely finished a kdrama, because i was so into thai bl series then kpop then back to bl and gl series as a whole.
and i can say: i deeply
regret but still
thankful at the same time.
i
deeply regret how i was even audacious to pause viewing this series. in the first place, i was always intrigued by how viral it went for the korean netizens, and how realistic it was—workplace sexism to korean drinking culture. i deeply
regret how i wasn't crying that much when i first watched it.
however, i'm
thankful with how this fragment that i left gave me the opportunity years later to look back at it. i realized how i relate too much with the yearning for belongingness that jang geurae felt towards the whole series. this hits so hard as a person living in a transactional world where everyone have to inevitably trade something for the sake of attaining that said belongingness.
i see myself in jang geurae's journey in general. i'm
thankful for watching this kdrama at this time of the year where i kinda miss being an ABM student. i was so set with being an accountant in my home country. i took 2 years of my senior high school getting used to business jargons, conferences, and projects like how geurae began playing go (바둑) at around 7 years old. ruthless teachers (ahemm!!) and scores (0/25 in that one summative test, and an average of 14/50 in every exams) in the freaking FABM subject made me prepared for the difficulties that i would have to take in my future accountancy scores. those frequent and tiresome imbalances that made me wish that the 'land' account can be depreciated. i was all set.
unbeknownst to me, me being an international student was already planned when i was still crawling in our house floor. and now, i got into a university that did not let me in as a business/commerce student due to how insufficient the math subjects that i took are. now, i'm in social sciences, and eyeing on that psychology program. and all of these happening while i was in a foreign country, feeling like an outsider. it was just like how geurae was pushed into a whole different when he became a trading man.
i just hope that i will get to have geurae's succesful metamorphosis...
