Watching it again. This time, I felt a connection that my past self didn't have the capacity of doing so... I noticed how I was trapped in the current of life, amidst the rocks, holding on to them... Not allowing the current to carry me away, and this affected me more than I could realize. Letting go; in this case looks like a vulnerability, but it ends up being a liberation; nobody genuinely knows what tomorrow will bring, the six months counted by death can be surpassed and multiply with hope, karma and strength. Imagining that the future can be good, with also realizing how certain things escape your control and finally imagining that you WILL let go, ceases to be something "illusory" [a mere artifice created in the mind] and becomes a door that you can cross, transforming you. This becomes a kind of freedom that only self-awareness can provide. Throughout my life I've built a house, a sort of dome that "protects" me from fears and especially from death, and while confronting it (or at least trying to) my only skill was to ignore and pretend that nothing was happening, until the emptiness [the non-existence of the person's physical existence] filled the void and ceased memories transforming them into silence; ego death is something very difficult to achieve completely, at least for me, because... Even after experiencing death, part of the ego still remains somewhere deep inside of me (lmao pause), shielding me from what afflicts me. Such shielding can protect you to a certain extent, as I said before, but it prevents you from engaging in any kind of self-questioning and magnifies your internal doubts, increasing them until they become deafening, transforming them into a part of yourself, a part of your own soul, until nothing remains but insecurity and anxiety... Death tears away a part of your soul, makes your ego struggle, makes it resist; it's up to you to destroy it or if you can't, at least wound it. Once that finally happens, you realize that reluctance against the current was what truly caused affliction. Letting go of the stones and stopping the fight, or rather, surrendering to the flow, makes you realize that YOU ARE the river, as much as the stones, liberating your own path. Fighting against the flow doesn't postpone the end, but it makes that you can't notice (or not appreciate) the warm water, making you avoid it again as the ego always did. One of the most human things I've ever seen.
Watching it again. This time, I felt a connection that my past self didn't have the capacity of doing so... I noticed how I was trapped in the current of life, amidst the rocks, holding on to them... Not allowing the current to carry me away, and this affected me more than I could realize. Letting go; in this case looks like a vulnerability, but it ends up being a liberation; nobody genuinely knows what tomorrow will bring, the six months counted by death can be surpassed and multiply with hope, karma and strength. Imagining that the future can be good, with also realizing how certain things escape your control and finally imagining that you WILL let go, ceases to be something "illusory" [a mere artifice created in the mind] and becomes a door that you can cross, transforming you. This becomes a kind of freedom that only self-awareness can provide. Throughout my life I've built a house, a sort of dome that "protects" me from fears and especially from death, and while confronting it (or at least trying to) my only skill was to ignore and pretend that nothing was happening, until the emptiness [the non-existence of the person's physical existence] filled the void and ceased memories transforming them into silence; ego death is something very difficult to achieve completely, at least for me, because... Even after experiencing death, part of the ego still remains somewhere deep inside of me (lmao pause), shielding me from what afflicts me. Such shielding can protect you to a certain extent, as I said before, but it prevents you from engaging in any kind of self-questioning and magnifies your internal doubts, increasing them until they become deafening, transforming them into a part of yourself, a part of your own soul, until nothing remains but insecurity and anxiety... Death tears away a part of your soul, makes your ego struggle, makes it resist; it's up to you to destroy it or if you can't, at least wound it. Once that finally happens, you realize that reluctance against the current was what truly caused affliction. Letting go of the stones and stopping the fight, or rather, surrendering to the flow, makes you realize that YOU ARE the river, as much as the stones, liberating your own path. Fighting against the flow doesn't postpone the end, but it makes that you can't notice (or not appreciate) the warm water, making you avoid it again as the ego always did. One of the most human things I've ever seen.
