Press Play 😊
11:02 👙
*checks credits *🤔
15:07 👙
double checks credits 🤨
24:19 👙
triple checks credits 😡
27:42. ()()
breathes sigh of relief 😅
Yes that is right...it takes nearly 30 minutes before we see our first pair of boobs in this movie! A 30 minute boob drought in an Andy Sidaris movies is UNHEARD OF.
It looked like an Andy Sidaris movie. It had Hawaii and Helicopters and an Abilene and cow print suitcase and explosions and remote control boats and even EXPLODING REMOTE CONTOL BOATS but was missing that one (well two) crucial elements that maketh a Sidaris masterpiece.
Thankfully once the boob wall breaks, in the shapely form of returning Playboy Playmate Cynthia Brimhall (who was sadly missed in Savage Beach), then it is a veritable flood of nudity, with oil wrestling followed by a steamy seduction sequence with leopard print goddess Devin DeVasquez and...Erik Estrada from CHiPs?
The rather unimaginatively titled Guns sees the return of cargo pilot/undercover secret agent Donna (Dona Speir) this time paired up with Nicole (Roberta Vasquez). I guess Taryn finally took all that pilfered gold and her original print of the Picasso Trigger painting and maybe even the Malibu Express and sailed off into a life of luxury. Good for you girl.
Our new dynamic duo are targeted by international arms dealer Joaquin de Diamondes AKA Jack of Diamonds (Estrada) and his pre-fame sidekick Danny Trejo. The super secret agent force including Shane Abilene (Michael J Shane) - the only Abilene to make it to a second Sidaris movie - must combine their powers, which is reinforced by a weird expository story about transporting a bridge from London to Arizona, to stop the bad guys, avenge some casualties (yes the stakes are high this time out) and rescue Donna's Mom/Attorney General/Stone Cold Hottie Cougar (Phyllis Davis).
Guns offers up the usual Sidaris 'babes and bullets' goofiness. The glammed up male killers replicate the spirit of Michael Andrews in Malibu Express and Hard Ticket to Hawaii, but obviously look to be muscle bound thugs dressed in drag, making it hilarious that folks ONLY recognise the pair through their hand tattoo as oppossed to their rather obvious wig and shoddy eye liner combo.
Sidaris takes his particular brand of sub-par sensuousness to the next level with a make-out session atop a high-powered streetbike, the pair of lovers shillouetted against the backdrop of a setting sun, white clouds drifting across the sky as the camera slowly pans out. It's the type of cinematic moment that brings a tear to the eye and a Chef's kiss to your lips.
Shout out to the Tubi closed captions that helpfully describe the music as
(Unfriendly music)
and
(Irritated music)
I love how Donna creeps around in full Solid Snake stealth mode, holding a fucking bazooka. Ahhh Sidaris. Don't ever change.
Press Play 😊
11:02 👙
*checks credits *🤔
15:07 👙
double checks credits 🤨
24:19 👙
triple checks credits 😡
27:42. ()()
breathes sigh of relief 😅
Yes that is right...it takes nearly 30 minutes before we see our first pair of boobs in this movie! A 30 minute boob drought in an Andy Sidaris movies is UNHEARD OF.
It looked like an Andy Sidaris movie. It had Hawaii and Helicopters and an Abilene and cow print suitcase and explosions and remote control boats and even EXPLODING REMOTE CONTOL BOATS but was missing that one (well two) crucial elements that maketh a Sidaris masterpiece.
Thankfully once the boob wall breaks, in the shapely form of returning Playboy Playmate Cynthia Brimhall (who was sadly missed in Savage Beach), then it is a veritable flood of nudity, with oil wrestling followed by a steamy seduction sequence with leopard print goddess Devin DeVasquez and...Erik Estrada from CHiPs?
The rather unimaginatively titled Guns sees the return of cargo pilot/undercover secret agent Donna (Dona Speir) this time paired up with Nicole (Roberta Vasquez). I guess Taryn finally took all that pilfered gold and her original print of the Picasso Trigger painting and maybe even the Malibu Express and sailed off into a life of luxury. Good for you girl.
Our new dynamic duo are targeted by international arms dealer Joaquin de Diamondes AKA Jack of Diamonds (Estrada) and his pre-fame sidekick Danny Trejo. The super secret agent force including Shane Abilene (Michael J Shane) - the only Abilene to make it to a second Sidaris movie - must combine their powers, which is reinforced by a weird expository story about transporting a bridge from London to Arizona, to stop the bad guys, avenge some casualties (yes the stakes are high this time out) and rescue Donna's Mom/Attorney General/Stone Cold Hottie Cougar (Phyllis Davis).
Guns offers up the usual Sidaris 'babes and bullets' goofiness. The glammed up male killers replicate the spirit of Michael Andrews in Malibu Express and Hard Ticket to Hawaii, but obviously look to be muscle bound thugs dressed in drag, making it hilarious that folks ONLY recognise the pair through their hand tattoo as oppossed to their rather obvious wig and shoddy eye liner combo.
Sidaris takes his particular brand of sub-par sensuousness to the next level with a make-out session atop a high-powered streetbike, the pair of lovers shillouetted against the backdrop of a setting sun, white clouds drifting across the sky as the camera slowly pans out. It's the type of cinematic moment that brings a tear to the eye and a Chef's kiss to your lips.
Shout out to the Tubi closed captions that helpfully describe the music as
(Unfriendly music)
and
(Irritated music)
I love how Donna creeps around in full Solid Snake stealth mode, holding a fucking bazooka. Ahhh Sidaris. Don't ever change.
